I actually feel exactly like I did at the hospital while on super drugs and anesthesia
And it’s just exhaustion
When I started feeling this way at the hospital I dropped everything (eating, conversing, half a post on tumblr) and was asleep in minutes
Now I can’t fall asleep after five hours
The more life I live the more fascinating new categories of tired I discover
Today I plan on just hanging out until I pass out from exhaustion
Since I was wickedly unfair to my body yesterday in how much energy I used
And still only slept three hours
Because insomnia makes no logical sense
I actually drove around the other town and got so much stuff done and then drove back home. And walked tons. And talked to people. And you know, acted like a normal person.
I am so tired.
But so satisfied.
I’m at my ‘school apartment’ right now (a basement of family friends I was staying in during my lustrous 2 weeks of school)
I needed to grab my car today so I could get to a doctor’s appointment in this town tomorrow, but that meant driving it home. And then back again in the morning.
It’s a little less than an hour drive and it’s been a month since I’ve driven and I’m not sure how capable I would be for that long. In the dark. And rain.
Not that I would have forgotten how to drive, I’m just not sure about my stamina and decision making while still feeling under the weather.
So my mom suggested I stay overnight rather than drive back and forth.
It’s comfy here but it sure does bring back some interesting memories.
On that note though I’m not getting much done again today
Endometriosis causes depression
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT
It is actually super good news that I recognize this as a symptom and not myself failing. I know and fully recognize that it’s just my body throwing me under the bus again and while the thoughts I have are valid, they are also hyperbole.
I am being optimistic while depressed and that’s kinda powerful